I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
