I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
