yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
