If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
