just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize