Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
