Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
