So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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