Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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