he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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