why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
