Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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