my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
