The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
