He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
And then he peed in my hair
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
