just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I want to fling myself into the sun
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
