just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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