don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
