Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
