i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
