Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize