weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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