he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
