My room smells like vodka and shame
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
