I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
