Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I could fuck to npr.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
