im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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