if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
