My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
