i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
