So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
