I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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