my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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