i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize