Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize