im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
