watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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