Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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