I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
