So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize