A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
