You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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