Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
