You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize