Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
