She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
