It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
