yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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