Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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