Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
farters have to be the big spoon...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
