i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize