I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
