Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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