The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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