So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
