Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
