Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
