Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
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