ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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