I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
