we have officially lost it.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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