Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
