I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
