if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
