If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
