shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
