ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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