Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
