Jerry, you need to find god
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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