Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
