I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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