The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
