sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
