Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
