The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize