Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
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