You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
