My first STD was from a foam party
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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