My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
