We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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