she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize