What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
