I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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