I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
