Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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