I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
