I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
